Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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