Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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