He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
