You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
