Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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