My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
