Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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