Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
