I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
