We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
