We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
