Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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