If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
