stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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