I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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