Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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