I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
