Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
