no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
