We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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