I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
3pm strippers are depressing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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