grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize