WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
