There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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