I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
