Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
