i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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