I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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