Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
