shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
