There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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