I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is her dick bigger than yours?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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