have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
