so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
