yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
