if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I pour the whiskey from now on
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize