New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
