Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
