I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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