Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
