It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
