the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
