did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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