How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
