I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
