he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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