Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up backwards on a recliner
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
