Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
