no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
