Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
