My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
