It's like God shit irony all over that family
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
