remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
