my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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