I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
