Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail

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(713): View more from Texas

My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it

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(952): View more from Minnesota

he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.

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(408): View more from California

Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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(518): View more from New York

We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America

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(206): View more from Washington

be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.

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(702): View more from Nevada

one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...

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