I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
