i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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