we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize