chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
