I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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