Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize