Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
