why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize