dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
