..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
