Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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