I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He passed out mid-signature
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
