Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
