In the future we'll all be gay
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They took my balls.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
