Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
