I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
